I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
