I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
