He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
