Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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