I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
