Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
