her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
