my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
