so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
4 words: hood of his car
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
