i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
