Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
