hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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