ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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