The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
