Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
