it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
