the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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