She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
