Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
