i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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