Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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