I'm eating all of the evidence.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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