I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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