the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
