planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
