i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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