Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
