i just had sex bonerless
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
