I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
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