I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize