I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
