Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize