so that wasnt chicken after all
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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