Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
