Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
