I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
