i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
