you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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