My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
