even my farts smell like vagina
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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