I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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