you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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