The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
