Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize