Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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