operation have a gay friend backfired
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
