WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
