I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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