I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
