hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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