I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
