dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
