What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
