I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
