Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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