Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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