Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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