so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
