So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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