we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
