Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
