she woke up with a sticky ear
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
