meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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