you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
