I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
