I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
