Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
