He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
