you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
