ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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