Im at strip club and am horny
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
