Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
