BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
